My Parents Got Divorced

My Parents Got Divorced

One girl deals with divorce and all that comes with it.

by Jane, age 12, Fla. This is from http://discoverygirls.com

“Your mom and I are getting a divorce,” my dad said.

What?! I thought. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “You’re joking…right?” I asked.

“No, honey, it’s not a joke,” my mom said gently. “Your father and I don’t love each other anymore.”

The rest of that conversation is a blur. At some point I ran to my room crying, and I kept on crying for hours. None of this made sense to me. Just a little while before, my parents had been laughing together in the kitchen. How could they want a divorce? They never even fought! And what did my mom mean, they didn't love each other anymore? It had never even occurred to me that you could just stop loving someone. What if they stopped loving me, too?

I was confused, hurt, scared…and mad! Part of me thought, Okay, so they don’t love each other…so what? Shouldn't they love me enough to keep our family together? What about my feelings? Don’t I count for anything?

Obviously, I didn't  because after that night, the changes came really fast. First we all moved. My mom and dad got separate houses, and I was sent back and forth between them. I hated moving, but my mom just said that I’d get used to it, and that sometimes change is good.

I was sure I’d never get used to this change—and no way was it good. For one thing, there were no kids my age in my new neighborhood, so I was really lonely. And then there was my crazy new life: During the week, I’d go back and forth between my mom’s house and my dad’s every other night. I alternated weekends, too—one at my mom’s, one at my dad’s. I never seemed to have my stuff in the right place, and it was confusing, too. My life felt totally messed up.

New Life, New Thoughts When I wasn't blaming my mom and dad for ruining my life, I was plotting to get them back together. I’d be paying attention in class one minute and then smack-dab in the middle of a daydream the next. I’d see my parents in love and the three of us together again, the way I needed us to be. I started daydreaming so much, my grades were slipping.

Finally, I started seeing a counselor. To my surprise, talking definitely made a difference. The counselor helped me understand that the divorce wasn't my fault, and that whatever had happened between them, my parents wouldn't stop loving me. She listened while I let out all my anger and sadness. I finally started feeling normal again, almost…happy.

Changes, the Sequel And then my mom dropped another bomb on me: She was getting married again! Suddenly all my anger came rushing back. How could you? Don’t I have any say in this? I wanted to scream.

I decided to fight back. When my mom’s fiance  Dave, asked me a question, I’d roll my eyes or make a smart comment. If we happened to end up in the same room, I’d flash him a dirty look and stomp out. Part of me hated the way I was acting, but I had no other way to show how mad I was.

Then one day I was hanging out with my dad and he mentioned my mom’s wedding. I was totally shocked that he wasn't upset about it at all. In fact, he seemed glad. “Your mom is happy,” he said. “And that’s a good thing.”

After that, my feelings about Dave changed. It was such a relief to be able to be nice to him—and even like him—and not feel like I was somehow letting my dad down. My mom did seem happy, and since my dad was happy, too…well, I no longer needed my bad attitude. Eventually I found myself feeling, not just okay with my new life, but lucky. I got to do different fun things with both my dad and my step dad like sports with my dad and photography with my step dad and I had so many more people whom I loved and who loved me. My mom was right after all: Sometimes change is good.

I know there are other girls who are going through the same things I went through, and I want them to know that your parents’ divorce doesn't have to be the end of the world. You can get through it! Find someone you can to talk to, and don’t be afraid to express your true feelings. It will take some time, but hang in there—you will be happy again, honest. I know I am!